Will I Ever See a Sign?

It was a gentle nudge to the front teeth.

I couldn’t explain it other than that, like I was guided or pulled to the teeth, especially the front. I brought it up to my friend via text, but she let me know it wasn’t that particular friend who had a tooth problem, but another. Still, I was persistent.

Or that feeling was.

It’d been almost a week since my friend’s partner passed. I wrote last week about how she reached out to me, how I thought I was being butt-dialed, but I wasn’t. A friend I’d known since childhood had moved to Florida and found the love of her life in another woman. Fourteen years later, and just a few days ago, that partner left this plane.

I was privileged to have this friend reach out to me, being in the position she was in. It was a privilege, sure, but I also knew I was playing with fire.

A medium’s job is to primarily show the living that there’s something after physical death, and how we all carry on in another place that’s intrinsically entwined with this one. That’s how I make my living, and I’m blessed to be able to do so. I was blessed to be there for this friend, and I took the role - and timing - seriously.

On a conventional day, I would tell most people that there needed to be some time before communication was 1) healthy and 2) even possible. Depending on how much a person carries for trauma and pain into the next world, the timing could be off, and a person might not have the strength to communicate in the next world. Death, as far as I can tell, is birth in reverse.

It takes us some time to get on our feet.

That time is a blessing in disguise, because having a few days for the physical body to catch up with what’s going on in the physical world, having the grief around a person’s passing in the rear view a bit, is good. Some people can be too raw and open for a session to be beneficial; sometimes, having those conversations in a group isn’t appropriate.

There are so many variables to the entire equation outside of “Oh, I can speak to the Dead. Let’s give it a whirl.” Having this friend reach out to me, and also getting the sense that I was supposed to be there, spoke volumes to me.

Again, conventionally, I’d give it some time, even for a friend. Even getting on the phone, there’s a slight chance that the process would be more unhelpful than helpful. Still, I knew I had to be there. When I connected to her, it helped that she and her partner were familiar with my work. I was able to approach the process of her partner's passing with a level of practicality and rationality. I told her, based on my experience, what happens to us when we pass away.

I’ve received messages of gratitude from those around her that her time with me, the messages and symbols I’ve given her, as well as the practical guidance around what’s actually happening in this moment, seemed to be a great deal of help to her.

She’s been so grateful and has been completely open with me about what the process means to her. I’m able to help her navigate in real time a process I’ve seen a lot of, and I’m able to help her with what’s going on for her loved one as she’s transitioned into the world of Spirit.

I’ve also been upfront with my friend about a part of this process that always has me concerned: she needed to know this wasn’t going to be a process of her becoming addicted to me because of the connection I represented. I had no reason to believe it could go that far, but I still needed to be self-aware enough to sustain healthy boundaries.

The only role I could truly play was one of establishing that her loved one has carried on to a place where she’ll always be with her and will always see her. I can only guide a person back to the part of them that might be able to feel and sense the same, but I couldn’t be a permanent fixture. She completely understood why that part of the process was so important to me and everyone involved.

So I’ve been there with my friend, and even waking up with messages for her. One recent morning, I woke with the sense to reach out to my friend with a simple “SCRAMBLED EGGS” post as a good morning. My friend told me her partner hated eggs but would always make them for her.

It also doubled as a message for her to eat breakfast. Keep up her energy.

I am letting Spirit guide me in reaching out to my friend. I received the message, “Eggs!” and gave it to her that morning. Other days, she’s reached out to me, and always with questions about the process that would make sense for anyone going through her process. I was happy to answer them, including a heavy one that dropped into my lap a couple of days back.

“Am I ever going to be able to sense her?” she messaged me. I knew what she was looking for, and I had to answer her as blatantly as I could. My friend was someone - just like me - who believed in “signs,” or the ability for Spirit to give us synchronicities and coincidences as evidence. Feathers, songs randomly on the radio, whiffs of perfume or cigarette smoke when there shouldn’t be any there…most of us love the idea of signs and symbols showing us that our loved ones are right there, just over the horizon, watching us and guiding us.

She wanted to know her person was there.

First, I reminded her of the signs and symbols I’d shared with her up to that point, and then I had to present the situation as it was. The answer to that question, when she wondered if she would ever be able to sense her, was a strong, tentative maybe.

I reminded her that she was enduring one of the hardest journeys a human can take, the loss of a spouse or life partner. Her pain was enormous, the size of the Universe itself, and her Love just as big, if not bigger. The physical toll on the body that grief provides, especially what it does to the human mind, is quite drastic. Trauma alone can rewire a human mind, and grief is one of the most significant traumas we’ll endure. I had to remind her how much her mind was a part of it, and what it was going through at the moment.

Her person was with me the entire time, and made me bring up some other truths that would help see the scenario for what it truly was. My friend has struggled with mental health challenges over the years, and that can also get in the way. I reminded her she, as a spiritual being, will always have the necessary parts to feel her partner - essentially, my friend has a Spirit, and it’s with that Spirit that she’ll feel her partner’s.

But that Divine Self of ours is the foundation upon which life and circumstance layer over it and over it, “clogging” that bridge of communication. A medium, or someone with a strong spiritual connection, must have the ability to discern their own voice, so they know what isn’t. Her life partner prodded me to remember she had some challenges, in general, way before she lost her person.

There were definitely pieces of reality to consider. No sugarcoating allowed.

Over the past few days, we’ve communicated a few times, sometimes with me saying hello, and sometimes with her updating me on what she’s doing or asking me questions. The other night, she let me know that she was having dinner with one of her person’s favorite friends. As soon as I read about the friend in our text thread, I felt “teeth,” as if something were wrong with them. As much as her partner could be with me in this moment, knowing I was a bridge to her loved one here, she pushed a message about “teeth” through to me.

My friend let me know that there wasn’t anything significant about her teeth, and I appreciated that message. Sometimes I’m off, but I didn’t feel like it this time, so I pushed back a little bit. There was something my friend’s partner needed me to push through, and eventually it came out. The friend who was over for dinner has fake teeth in the front, having been replaced after a four-wheeling accident from years prior.

There had been something funny with her teeth, but my friend didn’t know even then. It was a strong message for her, given to her through me as confirmation. The push from the other side was strong, and I had to send my friend the following message:

“So when you talked about that friend,.....I got teeth. I saw tooth, and first that always means to me that someone's tooth hurts. She may actually have something going on, or have a dentist appointment soon, etc.

But I read the mention of your friend, got the "tooth" symbol, and you clarified about the other friend it could be above...

But then I got another nudge toward Rose, and a negative or "neutral" feeling toward the other friend...

And now I'm getting the nudge to tell you how it's working with me in the moment...almost like she wants to teach you, but then that comes with sooooo much baggage. What I mean is that I'm a guy who's just figured out how the internal things on the inside of me are either mine, or someone else's...I trust and have almost a necessary type of arrogance and confidence to feel it, I guess? Symbols, images, sensations, and an ability to feel the "positive" and "negative" push....

The baggage I'm talking about is how most people turn themselves off from their inner worlds, and suffer from anxiety and depression. I guess it's easier when I know my inner voice well, and I can control it for the most part, and then I can better feel the energies of the disincarnate.

What I'm getting is that you're notorious, and this is from her, of not knowing your own voice. Of doubting yourself, seeing shadows where none exist. You can't take this personally, because it's most definitely NOT a moral failure or character flaw, it's just a fact like the fact that I'm personally tall.

Feeling her and perhaps even one day receiving messages from her in a way you can distinguish from your own inner monologue...well, that's going to come from healing, and you need patience for that - again, something you've notoriously lacked, again coming from her. There's a great deal of this process you can't control, and ultimately, when you get angry or frustrated with that part of it, that's just as good as being upset that you don't have autumn foliage in the month of March.

I sense that she's incredibly confident in your ability to positively impact your reality, and especially coming to better terms with your inner world. She's like "give her a list" and laughing at me, and I think she's right - once you identify the obstacle, and give you support while you tackle it, you can get through anything - especially when you know there's a higher chance of more strongly feeling her on the other side of that obstacle. She's so, so confident in you.

She also wants me to be real with you, and to give you the reality of the situation. It's different now, between you two, and you'll only have the memories of those times - but those memories never fade because NEITHER of you fade away. We just change, and then change again, and on and on through time. She's happy to have a million lives with you, as long as you don't get sick of her...cause she's never going to become sick of you. She just has the benefit of being on the detective side of that great one-way mirror, while you're on the side of the suspect - and that's the way it is for now. You have to remember that one day you'll move from here to there, and she'll be there waiting for you. Keep your chin up between now and then, take care of the woman she loves, and HEAL -- cause she's rooting for you, rooting for you, rooting for you.

She loves you and you're doing so, so well with this, you don't even know. You're being AMAZING.”

I sent this to her because she was struggling with the idea of “feeling” her, and I wanted to be clear with what might get in the way of that process. I share also because in an ideal world, if we were guided and supported through grief, a majority of us would benefit from this type of “open” relationship with our dearly departed.

Carrying on that relationship, to remember their presence while also healing from their absence, is an almost impossible journey to walk alone. I’m happy to be there for my friend, and as much as possible, to share with the rest of the world parts of the process that would be appropriate to share publicly.

I know that my connection with Spirit has helped my friend, as well as many others along the way - and I pass all the credit to Spirit for the help I’ve provided. I understand that her partner in Spirit appreciates the idea that something good can come from this process, a chance opportunity that others may also gain from her passing, even if it’s a reminder of how short our beautiful lives are. I can definitely tell she’s grateful for me, a willing participant in this equation as much as I can be.

As much as I should be.

If we want our loved ones to carry on in peace, we should cultivate our own. The message about the teeth, the insistent push to say “Hey, it’s me and I know something,” from Spirit was strong, and I had to share it. That was my friend’s sign.

A large part of my process as a medium is to demonstrate to the general public how our hearts and lives so deeply intertwine with those we love - both in Life and in Spirit. Wherever our loved ones are, in the physical or non-physical worlds, our suffering is theirs, as is our happiness.

I can completely sense that’s what’s carrying my friend on so far, knowing that the way she carries on is how her loved ones carry on in Spirit. My friend visited from Florida this past Summer, and it was the first time I’d seen her in years - we reconnected at a group reading. She’d seen what I do in person and first-hand, and she knew from the evidence I provided that our loved ones carry on and want the best for us from the other side.

As much as our loved ones in Spirit might have the “thousand-foot view,” and as much as they might be able to understand all the countless decisions and turns of chance that put us in our suffering, they still don’t want us to bear it, in this world or the next.

My friend gets this, and her partner gets this, as I can feel her in Spirit. I haven’t checked in with my friend today, and sharing this little story with the world will give me a chance to say hello to her. I’m happy to share these moments with everyone, as well as preserve them for anyone who might benefit from them in the future, and doing so will give me a chance ot say hey. I know she doesn’t want to be a burden, and she knows it’s not great to lean on the “medium” part of me too much, but I should let her know she’s anything but a burden.

Hopefully, I can convince her to play video games. I don’t know why, but I feel like it’s a nudge from her person, and not from me. I haven’t let her know about video games anything yet, so I’ll leave this here so she can read it - and get a chuckle out of it, or scratch her head over it, like some sort of strange breadcrumb in a weird, Addams Family-like game of spirit telephone. I’m not sure what “video games” means to her, but I’m supposed to bring it up.

Here. I’m supposed to bring it up here, so she can read it here, for the first time. Just to be fun, and silly, and part of some sort of strange and colorful Twilight Zone scavenger hunt from the other side of Life to here. The “teeth” fiasco with her friend was a strange breadcrumb, as is this message for her.

I wonder what it means, video games, but I guess I’ll send it to her now. Her person wants her to play video games, and there’s a gentle chuckling energy behind the message, as if she knows how it’s going to go. I have no idea if they have a video game system in the house, or if one or either of them played video games of any type.

Maybe there’s a competitive game they played together on their phones?? Perhaps she just wants her distracted with something fun? I’m not sure, and I guess that’s half the fun of the breadcrumb - it wouldn’t be so mysteriously delicious if I knew everything about the message.

So here goes, just to be strange:

Friend…why does your person want you to play video games?

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(to be continued…possibly)