So I Crossed a Cult Leader

I’m about to tell the story I’ve sat on for the past few years. As much as I didn’t want to share it, for many reasons, the time has come now to let my experiences see the light of day.

For those familiar with how I found my path to being a professional psychic medium, it was nothing I ever sought out or tried to cause. This path fell upon me after I took a DNA test and went through subsequent ancestry research. As I began building my family trees and connecting to my ancestors, I began to experience sensations and impressions that were not mine.

Halloween of 2017 was when I ran my science experiment to determine if what I was experiencing was external to me or something else, like mental illness. I leaned into the scientific method, as I had a suspicion or a hypothesis, and that night, I sat with nine people that I didn’t know to see if I could bounce off of them all that I was receiving. I ran the experiment, cross-referencing the data I gathered to my hypothesis, and concluded that what I was experiencing was happening to me and coming from an external place.

While I’ve never had a mentor or taken a class for my psychic abilities or mediumship, I set out to explore the world of spirituality once I realized it was interacting with me in such blatant ways. I also discovered the Nordic Runes, the ancient alphabet of northern Europe used for divination, magic, and communication during my ancestry research. I wrote an introductory guide to them a few years into my path and still use Runes today. 

Exploring spirituality in the Internet age provides us with many wonderful opportunities for connection. While exploring Norse paganism, I found my way to different teachers of that path and culture. It wasn’t long before I discovered a lot of that path was co-opted by white supremacists, and those who believed their northern European heritage somehow made them superior. The organizations I encountered seemed incredibly problematic, from in-fighting to the gatekeeping I would see become prevalent in most spiritual communities. 

Before I go much further, it’s appropriate to let people know about my relationship with spirituality up to this point. If I had to sum up my spiritual views before all the ancestry work, I would have likened spirituality to nuclear physics in the way that, sure, it exists, but I thought it was something that those who were appropriately trained should be messing with. I was a child of the 1980s and had seen enough movies that taught me all the wrong principles of the spiritual world. 

Growing up gay, and especially through the abuse scandals of the Catholic church, I felt anger towards organized religion, especially of a Christian nature. It all seemed outlandish, incredibly hypocritical, and ultimately lacking logic. Until then, I had feared those who claimed to be Christian or Catholic. I was worried that most of them if not all, were only interested in reminding me that I was an abomination and deserved to burn in hell for how their creator made me.

So I was angry at the dominant religion of our culture at the time and had yet to find any sort of Christian who actually followed the word of Christ, who actually showed me the love their Savior was so adamant about. For many years I was angry, but truly, a large part of me was afraid. I had only been out of the closet for about eight years at this point, so living in a world of persecution around my sexuality was very much a reality.

So many years later, and with so many lessons learned, I’ve come to understand a simple principle: no matter what belief system exists in this world, there will be someone who corrupts it and uses it to hurt, hinder, and oppress other people. The opposite, of course, can be said about people who will lean into those practices for the good of themselves, their community, and the world at large. This abuse and control was something I experienced in Norse paganism, something I saw in Christianity, and something I saw in other spiritual veins that I was able to check out from a distance. 

And this was what I discovered when I began leaning into “traditional” witchcraft. 

Witchcraft is a tricky subject. While many believe it to be selling one’s soul to the Devil or Satan, many feel it is more a nature-based practice, extending from practices like Wicca. Now, “witchcraft” includes more than what one person could easily define. While I don’t consider myself a “witch” in any way, I’m sure many people would see my offerings to my ancestors, my ability to commune with spirits, and the practice I still maintain with Runes and Tarot cards as just that. 

As I was researching this path, I was also reading a lot. I discovered a book on Amazon one day that seemed to jive with how I saw witchcraft to be: an ecology and nature-based practice of working with the land, almost in a way that many indigenous nations still do today. The book I found and its author really leaned into the more traditional aspects of witchcraft, citing historical and mythological records of Scotland, Ireland, and England. 

The DNA test I took years prior showed me that most of my DNA comes from the Orkney Islands, where the Norse and the Celts intermingled. Up to this point, I had leaned into the Norse spiritualities of Scandinavia, Norway, and Sweden, but then I was pulled in a different direction: I was going to study and learn about the history and practices of my ancestors of the British Isles.

As I leaned into the world of witchcraft and the occult, I found many teachers, authors, and authority figures existed. I also found that many of them have a distinct social media presence. As I read books, I would also become online friends with some of these authors and some of the people they kept around them. 

One author in particular, who leaned into the idea of knowing the “true old ways,” was accessible and prolific on social media. He also hosted an online group with about 100 people in it or so, where people would discuss their experiences and “benefit” from his extensive ramblings. This author was also vehemently anti-Christian anything. Any mention of saints, angels, or Christian magic whatsoever was ridiculed. He truly felt the world’s ills, from capitalism to the patriarchy, were extensions of the evil that Christianity brought to the world.

I should have seen it then, that this person would only arrive at this position because that particular spiritual expression had hurt him.

Still, he was charismatic, funny, and carried an authoritative voice that beckoned me. Finally, I found what I was seeking - someone who seemed to know something about the world of spirit, someone who also viewed Christianity in a negative light, and someone who hosted an online community that seemed an open place to share and be accepted.

I never really realized how much I was seeking to be seen, to be noticed, to have my experiences validated. I never realized how much I was seeking connection and approval and needed the community we all lack and for which most of us seek. 

I never knew the extent of my daddy issues until it was too late. 

Until this point in my life, I had gravitated towards people, especially men, who maintained a strong, authoritative voice and presence, even in my early entrepreneurial days. While I had a father growing up, he lost his at eight years old, so he really wasn’t present as a father figure. My dad worked a lot, often away, and had a hands-off approach to raising his kids, letting my mother do most of the rearing. He wasn’t a bad man, just not a very present one, and I didn’t realize until much later how much I sought out those figures in my own life. 

I was accepted into this person’s online community, a Facebook group where I met a handful of others. Some of these people I remain friends with today, yet many of them weren’t even real. I can’t believe how naive I was then, but this author maintained an army of “sock puppet” accounts to create the sense his community was larger than it was.

For those who don’t know, a “sock puppet” account is a social media profile created with a fake name and profile picture, and this author certainly did his best to nurture them to seem like real people. Any of the ones I’ve bumped into online could look authentic to people who didn’t know what they were looking for: specific life details and a nurtured timeline. 

I spent quite a bit of time in this group, and as I did, I would hear whispers of this man’s true nature in other places online. I would hear that he was a plagiarist, a womanizer, an abuser, and an outright cult leader. I didn’t hear of these whisperings from trusted sources but from people who apparently had bad run-ins with him, and I didn’t want to base my opinions on the experiences of others. I didn’t think it was fair to this person, and no matter who it was in my life, I wanted to base my opinions of others on my experiences alone.

I knew what it felt like to be judged unfairly.

Mind you, during this entire time, my husband Isaac and I were running Deep Earth Arts. At this time, I was a professional psychic medium, someone who wrote about his experiences, maintaining a blog so that others could read about what I was experiencing. During this time in this online group, I found out this author maintained a tighter, closer circle of people in what many would call a coven. This “coven,” or a group of about six to eight people, had an application process and seemed to be quite the group, or to the guy with daddy issues, the inner group of “cool kids.” I eventually found out about this inner group through my experience in this online community that was open to all. It sounded cool. It sounded like a place to belong.

I didn’t realize then that what I was looking at, what I was yearning to be a part of, was an actual, full-blown cult. I don’t use that term lightly, as a “cult” in modern parlance means a group headed by a single person that then dictates to the rest of the group. Wikipedia has a great definition: “Cult is a term, in most contexts pejorative, for a relatively small group which is typically led by a charismatic and self-appointed leader, who excessively controls its members, requiring unwavering devotion to a set of beliefs and practices which are considered deviant.”

I also didn’t realize that, at this time, greater spirits, the likes of which I had never known existed, were watching out for me. I didn’t realize it then, but I was about to enter a perfect storm where multiple variables would collide. I didn’t realize I was being led into this situation yet protected the entire time. Retrospect and the spiritual wisdom that only experience can bring will give a person that.

Some context before I describe my experiences with these “larger spirits.” I firmly believe that one’s cosmological worldview is one they have to discover for themselves. I see the world of spirit in a way that I would never ask others to hold onto or believe, and I’ve used four main principles to help me come to my own realization. These four principles include my experiences, history, mythology, and science, leaning into that scientific method that helped me find this path in the first place. Around this time, I began sensing and experiencing these greater spirits.

The ones we would refer to as angels. Specifically at this time, the Archangel Michael.

I also believe that the Christian, Catholic, and Hebrew angels of yore are the gods and goddesses of ancient Egyptian, Norse, Hindu, Greek, and Roman cultures, along with so many others. I’ve found that these great spirits exist outside our human ability to know them fully, yet they exist across cultures, and just as cultures have different languages, they also give them different names and stories. 

During this particular time in this group, I began to understand that the Archangel Michael is also the Greek and Roman god Apollo and the Norse god Thor. Thor with his hammer? Well, that’s Michael with his sword, and I was experiencing a lot that would demonstrate that to me, yet I wasn’t only going to lean into my experiences. Apollo, Michael, and Thor were all different filters of the same energy, presenting themselves to me simultaneously, and yet I knew this experience was mine alone and happening for a reason. 

History and mythology later showed me this to also be the case. Over the years, I’ve also realized that some of these greater spirits will show themselves to people in ways that work best for them at that time, in that part of their spiritual journey. For some, this spirit will be Thor, for others, Apollo, and for others the Archangel Michael.

Just as humans and cultures evolve, so does the world of spirit.

I have never been part of a religion, nevermind a full-blown cult, but oh boy, did I come close. During this time, I was actively in the induction process of that smaller group of “cool kids.” My experiences with the angelic and the divine were so great at this point in this process that I had to write a blog about it. I even shared it with this author, this cult leader, letting them know that my experiences wouldn’t jive with their anti-Christian rhetoric. I stepped away from that process of joining the “cool kids” amicably, or so I thought, while remaining part of that larger Facebook group any person could become part of.

During this time, one of my close friends from this group was experiencing abuse from this person. What I thought was an authoritative voice was indeed a case of classic, textbook narcissism, and it took me a bit to figure this out. The word “narcissism” gets tossed around a lot today, especially in a pop psychology way, yet that’s what this person was. He was also grooming my friend for a relationship, as he maintained an open attitude towards relationships and polygamy. No shade thrown at those in open relationships, of course, but this person was married with two kids and had open relationships with many women and, from all appearances and accounts, wasn’t a case of consensual ethical non-monogamy. 

People were being hurt consistently, and it seems all those whisperings I heard back in the day were true. 

In response to my blog post about the Archangel Michael, he wrote a manic piece about how his perspective and way of seeing the world of spirit was the only “true way,” and anyone else’s wasn’t accurate. He went on to say that figures like Thor and Apollo were simply examples of cultural memory. In response to this writing, that his way was the only way, many people jumped ship from his Facebook group, seeing him as the cult leader he couldn’t help hiding. 

As it happens in Scooby-Doo episodes, the mask was off, including for me.

I noticed a funny thing, though. I knew about a dozen people who jumped ship, including myself, yet after everyone left, the group numbers went up. It dawned on me then that this person created several fake social media profiles to give the illusion that it was a busy, thriving community. Yet, it only dawned on me then that a handful of people shared their experiences or insights while I was in that group. 

I maintained my friendship with the woman he was actively grooming, who went through a great deal of emotional and psychological abuse. She was free from this man and his group, yet many hadn’t found their way yet. He maintained close relationships with people who would outright deny his predatory behavior simply because they couldn’t see it for themselves. Then, I discovered the term “flying monkeys,” just like those that flew around the Wicked Witch of the West.

In narcissistic circles, a predator of this nature will cultivate relationships with people who become their advocates. Throughout my time in this group, I saw how he’d manipulate and encourage hatred of the “Other,” those who were Christian, as the “bad guys” of this world. Sadly, many, if not most, of these people lived with religious trauma, just like him. In the same way, some religious sects create an “Other” to bolster their congregation, so wasn’t  this person. 

He had flipped Christianity on its head and simply capitalized on all the awful parts of it.

As my friend was making her way out of the group, other women were coming forward, survivors of this man. At this time, another woman I was friends with and someone in that torrid inner circle was dealing with extracting herself from that group due to a sexual encounter she couldn’t bring herself to call rape. 

The situation was bad. And then, it got worse. 

I ran my mouth.

All these experiences happened in 2019 and 2020, so we’re talking years ago. There was a lot of drama happening, and I was doing my best not to be part of it, yet when these women who found themselves abused were starting to come forward with their own experiences, I lent my own.

In a space that I thought was safe, I voiced my opinion. I didn’t realize at this point that, with the combination of “flying monkeys” and sock puppet accounts, no place was safe. I ran my mouth about the leader of this cult, his abuse, and what I thought was going on spiritually.

After that, the attacks began. 

I realized then that no one becomes angrier than a narcissist accused of something they’re guilty of. 

Awful Google reviews from his flying monkeys. Fake accounts popping up and creating false accusations. A full-blown witch hunt from the witches happened, and I found myself ostracized from a group I no longer felt part of. They were devious. Months prior, while I was in that open Facebook group, I felt sorry for someone who was having horrible luck, and among a group of (who I thought were) friends, I hosted a group reading to benefit this person. Bad luck and ill health seemed to plague the people in this group, and I didn’t realize that it was also happening to me until I left it and became healthier. Like all of my readings, one-on-one and group alike, I recorded the session and provided everyone with a recording of this benefit virtual group reading.

This cult leader then took that recording, chopped it up into pieces, and now shares it - to this day - as an edited version of a “troubling” experience for others. I have the full version of that group reading still and have happily provided it to others who have questions about the obviously edited version. The cult leader and his flying monkeys then went through a process of sharing some of the experiences I had. This realization helped me to see the safe space I thought as their community was a place where they took screenshots of everyone’s experiences to later use against them, if necessary.

How did I come to find out about this? One day, I received an email from a person who was part of the great exodus after this author went full blatant cult leader. The email appeared to come from a woman who took great issue with their cult-like behavior, someone who had become a friend of mine, and included the subject line of “They strike again!” When I messaged this woman on Facebook to thank her for sending me the link to the smear job they ran on me, she told me she didn’t email anything over.

They created a sock puppet email account and used a false name to ensure I’d open their link. Devious, nefarious, and malicious are all words that are too kind to describe this person and their inner circle.

Throughout this process, and realizing the kind of people I was dealing with, I went into zero contact mode. I wouldn’t be dragged into any online interactions, and several people from the group who I thought were my friends blocked me as the cult leader went into full attack mode. I’ve had a few of them come forward since, apologizing for believing him and falling for his lies, but I’ve not replied to or responded to any of them. I was hands-off then and still continue to be.

Suffice it to say I have trust issues.

But why come forward now, in October of 2023? 

Because this man, this cult leader, is still coming after me. Every single one of the venues where I host public events is being contacted by sock puppet accounts and emails describing how awful of a person I am. I’ve had a few of these venues ask me about the emails they’re receiving from such an unwell person, and tired of going over this story repeatedly, I am documenting my experience so I can simply pass them along this link.

The internet is dangerous, and I think that many of us make unfair assumptions that people would never act in certain ways, especially those who position themselves in places of seeming authority. I’ve seen some awful circumstances outside of my own. Over the years of giving readings, I’ve had clients come to me about men they’ve met online, and every single time, they’re working on boats, promising they’ll get to shore soon and start their relationship in person. That time never comes, and these women send them money for obscure reasons, such as their daughter “needs help.” 

One of the scariest situations I’ve encountered was a hacked Roku TV, where someone was watching into someone’s living room, pretending to be someone’s dead aunt, encouraging the children in the house to harm themselves. The hacker had control of the TV and was spelling words out with the search function of the TV, having hacked into the video and audio portion of the TV to spy on this family. They sent me video evidence of it and, upon my suggestion, all “paranormal” activity stopped when they disconnected the TV from the internet connection.

I also share this because many people, especially those just dipping their toes into spiritual paths, both conventional and unconventional, could be as naive as myself. I made the mistake of expecting myself out of other people, and while I would never misconstrue events the way this person has (seriously, the truth speaks for itself), I’ve learned a lot along the way. I’ve learned so much about what people are capable of. I’ve learned so much about spiritual leaders, to the point they’ve helped me realize what even I could slide into if I wasn’t mindful of the process. The only way, sadly, to discover red flags is to often experience them for ourselves.

Christianity, Norse paganism, witchcraft, and even Eastern traditions like Buddhism and Hinduism, will have leaders who seek to control and harm their participants. My path, including these experiences, has shown me the path to divinity and spirit is the path that lies within and not through someone else. Ultimately, people should use incredible discretion and discernment when seeking a spiritual teacher or authority of any sort; just because they appear spiritual doesn’t mean they are. Just because they appear spiritual doesn’t mean they’re healthy.

I’ve also learned much about the world of Spirit and its workings. People like to think, and I’ve often seen it said in New Age circles, that if something isn’t right for us, we’ll know it and feel it. For a long while, I’ve sat with why I would have been pulled in this direction if this situation had resulted. I’ve relied upon my intuition and spiritual direction to bring me in all the right directions, and it hadn’t failed me up to this point. Why this one? 

I asked that question of my spirits one day. The answer they gave me? 

“You’re our boy named Sue.”

Up to that point, I had no idea what that song was, but there was a lyric that helped me make sense of why I was led to this experience instead of away from it. The Johnny Cash song talks about “gravel in your gut and spit in ya eye” and how Sue’s father gave him that name because he knew he wouldn’t be around and his son, Sue, would have to get tough or die. That was some incredible perspective for me, and for all of that, this became an experience that I’ve grown grateful for. I had to get tougher. I had to get wiser, especially with where my path has brought me since.

This experience taught me a lot about myself, the corrupted people of the world, and the dynamics of spirit, yet perhaps most importantly, it also gave me a valuable lesson in alchemy. In ancient times, alchemy was the art of turning base metals like lead into gold, and I’ve gained that particular skill through all of this, however metaphorical. For every online attack, I burn brighter. For every email sent, I strive harder. For every smear, I hone my craft to my greatest ability. I take the stones they throw and build stairs to heaven and my life has grown only brighter and bolder since these experiences transpired.

Seriously though, can you imagine a life and path so impotent that someone would exert so much energy, so many years later, to stalk me to such an extent? I’m not a mental health professional, yet I imagine this borders on psychosis. What I experienced, alongside so many others, was complete and utter derangement, to the point where I can only feel sorry for this person. I can feel bad for the abused dog that bit me, and I’ll distance myself from it all the same.

For all that, would I run my mouth again?

You bet. 

Not only were the lessons I received so good for me, that gravel in my gut and that spit in my eye, but the spiritual connections and understandings I’ve developed since then have been invaluable. I’ve seen the miracles those “cool kids” could only hope for. Yet there’s a completely different reason why I would run my mouth all over again, and it all has to do with that principle of alchemy.

When this person takes time out of their precious life to stalk me, to launch attacks at me, to email the venues I’m working with, what they’re not doing is putting time and energy into being a predator. He’s pointing his energy at me, not the innocent women who would become his victims. If he’s trying to be a predator to me from a distance, he’s not using that energy to do the same to vulnerable women.

So yeah, I would do it all over again. 

Happily.

~~~~~~~~~

Find information about Cult Recovery Support Groups here:

https://www.peopleleavecults.com/services/support-groups

And find another great resource here:

https://www.spiritualabuseresources.com/articles/post-cult-problems-an-exit-counselors-perspective